From the time we are born, we are all, every single one of us, no matter who we are, where we come from, or our station in life, we all do one thing in common… We are dying. Some of us sooner than later, some naturally and peacefully, others violently, and still others from illness or accident, but the clock is always ticking to the final countdown.
As a believer in Yeshua it doesn’t matter when our clock reaches zero for through His grace we will move on to a better place that He has provided for us.
I’ve shared with several people what I call my Yeshua Experience. I realize now that the experience I’m about to share was not my first but it is the one that has had the most impact on me. I’ve been trying for what now seems like a long time to put my experience in written form (It’s actually been almost five years). It’s been a challenge.
It’s been a challenge because I wasn’t sure how to capture such a powerful event in my life, in a way that allows me to give away something so personal but also something that I know has to be shared with the world. What I mean by that is, I have to put it out in my world.
“I chose to believe the bible: Because it is a reliable collection of historical documents, written down by eyewitnesses during the lifetime of other eyewitnesses. They report supernatural events that took place in fulfillment of specific prophecies. And they claim that their writings are divine rather than human in origin”. ~ Voddie Baucham
I am a sinner saved by Grace. In April 2018, I had what I call my Yeshua Experience. This is what God did to get ahold of me and bring me back to Him. God provided a savor and I was radically saved.
I’m not a biblical scholar, far from it. Growing up I was at church every Sunday with my mother, several aunts and uncles, neighborhood friends, and other family members; like Lee Taylor’s children, James Martin’s children, my cousins; Janice, Thomas Edward, Kaye, Kenny, Al, Keith, Stan, Jean, Kathy, Pat, David, and several others.
I remember around the age of 12, the Vietnam war was in full swing, showing nightly every evening on our color console TV with the rabbit ears on top. The hippie era was going strong; sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll with a lot of Motown tossed in was all around. I was moving into my own worldview.
I started having lots of questions about God, the church, and religion. I would ask my mother my pre-teen questions and she would often tell me to ask Papa (My maternal grandfather,) who was a well-known pastor of two churches and a farmer in the Tupelo, MS area), so we’d get on the rotary dial phone and call Papa in Mississippi and I’d ask my questions. I was always kind of nervous asking Papa questions. I’m not sure why that really was, other than I didn’t want him to think in any way I was rejecting the bible and my faith. Talking with Papa I was receiving answers, although I have to admit I didn’t push too hard with my questions. After my conversations with Papa, I still had questions, this would continue for many years.
As far back as I can remember I had an unquenchable intellectual curiosity. I’ve always been a ravenous reader, (a side effect perhaps of being an only child craving mental stimulation and finding ways to educate and entertain myself) of information, books, newspapers, (we had 3 daily and 1 weekly delivered to our home), and magazines. My mother was also a major reader and our house was filled with books and magazines. I’m sure it’s one of the reasons I prefer “real” books over ebooks. Nothing beats the feeling of holding in my fingers paper or the slick glossy cover of a printed book.
I still remember when I finally had to give up hard-copy newspapers, I think a lot of things changed in the world, or at least in the US when that happened. It’s also for me a really good thing the internet wasn’t around when I was growing up, I know I would have suffered from information overload. I was the kid who would read the encyclopedia Britannica for fun and spend hours sitting in the summer on our sun-drenched front porch with windows on three sides or in the winter with the floor-to-windows radiator-style heater system running along the wall on either side of the front door keeping me warm, doing just that.
When I went away to college one of my favorite classes was World Religions I and II. And of course, the more I studied the more questions I had.
There was a reason why I was still having so many questions, there was a reason I was looking for something, and there was a reason why I couldn’t see what was always in front of me, which would become clear later as you will see.
Fast-forward to the early 2000s. While going through a divorce and coming to grips with being diagnosed with advanced-stage prostate cancer, I decided to attend a Monday through Friday intimacy workshop held in a beautiful country setting in Metamora, Michigan. Part of my thinking was maybe attending this workshop would help in some way to repair my marriage. Unfortunately, it didn’t but something else came from the workshop that changed my direction for years to come.
I started playing a Djembe in our martial arts dojo in the mid-1990s and was looking for a drum circle to start attending. I found a couple in Detroit but they just didn’t fit well for me. The energy just wasn’t right. So for a couple of years, I was searching for a circle that fit me and where I felt at home.
While attending the intimacy workshop we were doing a meditation on the last afternoon of the workshop and I had what I would describe as an experience... a silver glowing sphere appeared before me during my meditation and I heard the words Church of Today. And just like that the glowing sphere was gone, disappearing just as it had arrived, in an instant.
I was vaguely aware of Church of Today, in Warren, Michigan founded by Jack Boland, and knew very little about the church other than it was a mega-church with often over 2,000 attending any given Sunday. Rev. Sandy and Rev. Jim Lee were the pastors until best-selling author, Marianne Williamson became the spiritual leader of the church for several years, during which time I became a member of the church.
When I returned home late Friday evening from the workshop, the first thing I did was to get on my computer and do a search for the church. Saying I was shocked would be an understatement. The first image that came up for Church of Today on their website was a… wait for it… a drum circle. It seemed to be just what I was looking for and the church seemed like it could be a home for me.
The next morning I attended the drum circle and fell in love not just with the sounds, beats, and rhythm of the music but also with the people who were gathered and those leading the circle, Chuck, Steve, and Chuck’s wife Christina. Many of the people I met there continue to be good friends of mine. With some becoming great friends for over twenty years now.
After my energizing experience with the drum circle, I attended my first service the next day. I had found the two things I was looking for during a devastating time in my life, a church home and a drum circle. When I look back on those events today I think about the silver sphere and hearing the words; “Church of Today,” which later became Renaissance Unity. Where did the sphere come from, why, and why me?
Several weeks after attending the drum circle, attending services at the church, and joining the Men’s group, I met a woman whose energy almost knocked me off my feet and whom I would later date for over 6 years. This woman, who I was learning so much with, shared with one of my new friends from the church and drum circle that I was looking for a place to live while finalizing the divorce.
It had become far too difficult for me to continue living at the home I shared with my wife and three sons. This wasn’t because we argued or fought as that is something we never did. Which was, I’m sure one of the factors that lead to our divorce after twenty-two years. I held a lot of things back, didn’t talk about what I was feeling inside, and put up my wall when I felt threatened. I had become so adept at wearing many different masks, not using my voice (something I talk about in my previous article “The Tape Recorder”), and was in self-denial about putting up my wall and masks. I was the King of denial during that time until I finally had to own that part of me that I thought was protecting me but was really confining me. Not an easy lesson to embrace I can assure you.
What was the necessity of talking when I already knew what the outcome would be? I played this silent game in my head of; if I say this, she’s going to say that, and then I’ll say this and she’ll say that and by the time I was done running my internal script, I felt there was no need or reason to say anything since I already knew what the outcome would be.
I knew answers to questions never asked and was sure I was right. Not good things for creating intimacy as I later learned a bit too late. And my priority at that time was doing everything I could to address the issues of fighting cancer, which I was told would take my life in about 18 months.
I was invited by my new friend to stay with him and his wife until I found a place of my own. I moved out of our family house and moved in with my new friend, Terry Shulman, (who I’ll talk more about in another article). I lived with Terry and his wife Tina for about 3 months in I believe 2001. I had so much going on around that time that some dates are kind of fuzzy.
The woman I was now dating found out that the church had a home that was being rented by another man and was looking for someone else to move in.
I ended up moving out of Terry and Tina's home and moving into what was known as the “Farmhouse,” which was owned by the church and was on a large wooded lot connected to the back end of the church’s parking lot. So it was just a short walk to go to church every Sunday and every Saturday I played my djembe in a drum circle held at the church. Even though I was dealing with so much I was starting to feel alive again. Training and teaching martial arts, playing music, and finding a church home.
I was in the early stage of fighting prostate cancer at this time. My three young sons would stay with me every other weekend and attend church with me when they came over. After the service, I and a group of friends primarily made up of drummers and others who attended the drum circle would meet together at a restaurant a short distance from the church. Those were always special times for me, we’d have anywhere between 10 -20 people sometimes more just enjoying each other’s company. I found my Saturday drumming and Sunday worship to be a much-needed healing time.
I had a lot of leftist friends and still do, well, maybe not so many after I finish writing all that is to come. I was a leftist myself but was pulled towards a conservative side for most of my life but I fought against it and I really fought like Ali vs Frazier or Hearns vs Leonard. More on this in a future article.
It was also the time period that I became heavily involved in Men’s work. From Rich Tosi workshops at the church to the New Warrior Training Adventure of the ManKind Project, co-founded by Rich, to participating with a few different men’s groups, and later facilitating men’s retreats with 3 friends on the shores of Lake Huron. With all of the work I was doing, I still had so many questions about faith, God, being a Man, and living with purpose. I also became involved with three organizations, The Human Awareness Institute (HAI), The Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society (DTMMS), and later Landmark Worldwide. In addition to attending workshops by David Deida, Dr. Barnaby Barratt, and several others.
My divorce was final in 2003 and I moved out of the “Farmhouse” after my mother died in 2004, and moved back into the house I grew up in. I still continued to attend Renaissance unity for another year or two but something was again missing. Over the next several years I was looking for my spiritual home, going deeper and deeper into men’s work and studying prostate cancer, intimacy, and sexuality, which I would write two books on with one more planned.
I was also struggling with my increasingly growing conservative views and values. I started becoming more outspoken about my conservative leanings, from the 1st and 2nd amendments to being pro-life. I was walking in two worlds, 98% of my friends and family were on the left or full-blown leftist (I know many of my family and friends hate the word, “Leftist” but that’s how I see them politically). While writing my book Men of Color Men of Honor I did what I called a conscious uncoupling from the Democrat party.
I’m kind of getting ahead of myself, as this will be a 2 part story. ###
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My Yeshua Experience - The Prodigal Son: The End
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